I've been feeling down lately. Really down. Not like myself. It kind of scares me. I have that "I just want to roll over and go back to bed for a while" feeling. I don't get that way often, but when I do, it's hard to break the funk. I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to stop it. The fact that Sean is going to be gone for the next four days isn't helpful either. I think I just want to cry for a little while. Perhaps that is all I really need to do. Cry for just a little bit. Maybe then I'll feel better, but I doubt it.

I just need to break the mood. Any suggestions on what I can do for that? I don't really care what they are, I just need to try something. I'm frustrated that I'm so lame. I don't even know what the word is that I'm looking for. I'm just not me right now, and I need to find me again and fast. This behavior isn't positive for anyone in my family and I hate my children seeing me like this. I shouldn't have sat around in my PJs all day today, but I did. I just didn't have the desire to get dressed. The only reason I did was because Miss E had her new gymnastics class today (at which she did AWESOME!).

My home is turning into a mess, and Sean is frustrated with it. He deserves to be. There's no excuse. I just can't do it.

GAH! I hate me right now.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Changing is a good thing. It is required for personal, physical, mental and spiritual growth. If you are not changing, then you become stagnant and old, moldy and icky. Noting that, I have been going through many changes. Some of these changes scare the bejeebers out of me, others just make me happy.

First, I am teaching again next year. After things changed at Bubba's school, he was doing so much better and he and we decided that he would go to 3rd grade at his school. So, I will be teaching another year. This means that I will be switching to 8th grade next year. I'm terrified. These kids are so difficult in 5th grade, WHAT are they going to be like in 8th?? The gangs in the district are frightening and the particular school where I will be is having a principal change this year, so that means either good or bad things for the students and teachers.

I would also like to add that I only have 5 weeks of my summer left. I've only had 3 weeks so far. Teachers don't have it made like so many think. The only reason that I have that much time, is one of my trainings was cancelled. That's right, they take our summer for training.

I did interview for a position within the school district where I live, however, they opted to go with someone else. So that change is non-existent. At least I got the interview I suppose. I really wanted to work here though.

I cut off all my hair. Okay, not ALL but a lot. I went really short. I like it a lot. It's a big change for me, because, as Sean so kindly put it. I "haven't looked like that since high school". That pleases me. I'll post a new pic of me.


I am currently in school as well trying to obtain my Master's degree. It's only week three of a two year program. I am trying to remember WHY I wanted to do this. I love school, I'm very proud to be earning another degree, I just feel so tired right now, that I don't want to do anything with school. I'm in summer darn it. I want to enjoy what I have left. But this program won't let me do that. This first class ends the week that school starts and the next class begins right after that. No break. I guess this is how normal people do work. All the time. I just like having the summer to be.

I also had a very drastic change for me. It's not something that I haven't been running around and telling everyone about, or showing for that matter. I had something done for me. A little plastic surgery. The great thing is, now I can buy clothes and have them fit me! Right away! No having to alter, or just give up and put it back. I'm very pleased with the results.

So a lot of changes going on in my world. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle them, but I'm trying my best to be postive about them. Particularly my employment. It's difficult to feel good about working at a place where you have heard almost nothing but bad things. It really makes me anxious. Perhaps, I will be an active writer again, as I blabber on about things that no one cares about. You never know. It could be good reading, though I doubt it.

One other change...
I'm writing a book in my *cough* spare time. It's not a long book, it's just ideas right now, but I told my daughter a story and she loved it so much, she asked me to tell it to her again and again. So I decided I would write it down. At the very least, I can say I've written a book.

OK, done rambling....
Really.

End Of Days

As the school year comes to an end, I`m thankful that I`ve survived another stressful year. My homeroom students are awesome. I think I will actually miss them.

Tomorrow is field day. That means it will be hot, but a lot of fun. I like field day. My homeroom has cool shirts and I bought a whole outfit to go with it. Complete with knee-socks that have the stripes at the top. They are so cool! I`ll be sure to get pictures. Then I`ll be sure to actually post some of them.

Here's One...



All I know is that there are 7 school days left. I am taking one of those days off for My Son`s award day at school (perfect attendance two years in a row). That means only 6 days for me. Field day is one, a field trip another day, a party for the last day and that leaves only three actual instructional days. Beyond awesome ladies & gentleman. I`m thrilled to finally be at the end. 13 weeks of summer. Don`t think about the trainings that I have to go to. I wish teachers could actually have a full summer off, but sadly it doesn`t work that way.

All that really matters is I made it another year. Yay me!

Just be happy that I finally posted something new. :)

Holy Mackerel

The saying is "Time Flies When You're Having Fun" and yet the time has flown, but there was no fun to be had. I would like to say that I think it's unfair that just because time flies by I must be having fun. In reality, I have been completely miserable.

I had a student that I was working with and he was doing so great. He went to jail not to long ago for doing pot in the school bathroom. He's 12. I cannot even begin to tell you how crushed I was when I found out about all of it. I had dreams about this kid. He was finally making such great progress in school. I had him working with some University students, he was meeting with his mentor/teacher twice a week, he seemed to be doing really well. I just don't understand what happened. Well, aside from peer pressure I suppose. I sometimes wish I could save them from themselves.

I had a student last year and he was my drive-me-insane, difficult kid. I actually cried when he was withdrawn from school and hated his mom when she re-enrolled him three days later because she broke up with her boyfriend and moved back into the area. Why do some parents do the things they do to their kiddos? This particular young man is so smart, but he is bullied by his older brothers and doesn't believe he is worth anything. He still comes to see me though, so that makes me feel better.

There are times when I could look into a crystal ball and see where these kids end up. I already have my suspicions for some of them but I hate not knowing; I'm certain that I will likely never know about most of them.

I guess I wish that kids had a better chance than their parents let them have. So many children are wonderfully bright and capable, but their parents encourage them down bad paths or don't bother teaching what the good paths are. I kind of think of that Willie Nelson song "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys." That song indicates that the Mama's are involved with their children. Something that is not seen so much today, at least from my point of view.

I Opted Out

I decided that I desperately needed to take a day from work. Aside from all the typical holidays, I have only taken 1.5 days off this year. One was a personal day because I had a meeting at school regarding My Son. I opted to take the whole day off. Wouldn’t you know it though, I drop him off. I go get some coffee and on my return trip to school for the meeting, I get a phone call from the school saying that he had thrown up in class and needed to go home. Sheesh. I try to take a day off, and I can’t. Bummer!

The half day was when I was sick. It was the day before Thanksgiving break and I was trying my best to tough it out. I just couldn’t function anymore and the kids were NUTS! The school nurse said GO HOME and my administrator couldn’t argue with that, so I left. I was miserable for days afterward.

It’s not like I was able to enjoy any of the time I had taken off.

I feel that I deserve a day off. So I set up my room like normal yesterday. Had everything ready like I would normally. Told my friend next door that I wouldn’t be in today and told her that I was blaming everything on Miss E. She said, HAHA! Hope she gets better! It’s good to have friends at work that you can trust.

So I woke up at my usual time this morning, put in for a substitute (poor woman) and sent an email to my administrator and my friend saying that Miss E woke up with a fever and I was staying home with her today. I included the “hastily thrown together sub plans” and the ruse is complete. I sent My Son off to school, Miss E is still asleep, and I’m sitting around enjoying a quiet morning before Sean gets home. Yeah, that was part of my evil plan too. To spend some time with my husband. I know you wish you were as conniving as me.

Frankie Say Relax

I have this CD that I love to listen to. It was given to me by my cooperating teacher when I was student teaching a few years ago. After my first week, I was presented with a basket that included foot scrub and cream (teachers are on their feet all day, don’t let TV fool you), one of the gel blue masks for the eyes and the fabulous CD.

When I was teaching ballet, I used to just put my ipod on this CD and dance before my students arrived. I would actually draw a crowd, if you could call three people a crowd. I suppose it would be on an elevator, but not so much in a dance studio. Even now, I have completely choreographed and entire song and many of the others have dances, but nothing finished. It is by far the most relaxing music I have ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of music in my few years.

The problem is, I have tried to find other similar music CDs to listen to, but thus far, I have been unsuccessful. I have discovered that my only issue with this CD is that I know it too well. If I have difficulty going to sleep, which is often, I play it. However, I have become too familiar with this album and I tend to choreograph in my mind, rather than relax and sleep. You would think that being familiar with the songs would encourage sleep rather than detract from it, but alas, not for me.

I’m hopeful that some of you could direct me to some music that you know to be relaxing for you. As I stated before, I do have an iPod and as such, I have iTunes, so feel free to suggest something from there. I look forward to any suggestions you may have. I love my CD, but I would really like something new as well.

A Day in the Life...

I spent my entire day today at school doing mindless paper work. This is why I don’t want be a teacher anymore. The sheer amount of paperwork that we are required to do at any given moment is ridiculous. I have spent the last two weeks doing paperwork and that leaves me VERY little time for actual lesson planning.

People wonder WHY schools are becoming worse? It’s because teacher’s are so bogged down with work that their administrators require that they are unable to focus on developing creative and inspiring lesson plans. Students don’t like having to do worksheet after worksheet, and you know what, neither do we! It’s boring! Sadly, we do it because we have very little time to spend on coming up with lessons that would otherwise be interesting for both students and teacher.

I find it frustrating when people complain about why teachers are so terrible at their jobs, when they haven’t the first clue as to what is required in the job. I wake up each day between 5 and 5:30am and I’m lucky to be home by 6pm. I have preparations to make, planning to attempt to do, grading to finish (which I desperately need to do this weekend), intervention plans to work on, and small group lessons to develop. This will take days to complete, and that’s only part of everything. I can’t even put it all into words! There’s too much.

I hate that I come home from school more exhausted than my students. I hate that they have virtually no repercussions for their behaviors, which is why I don’t get to teach as much as I’d like. It’s insane when a fellow coworker is threatened by a student with a pair of scissors and he gets NOTHING done to him. Why? Good question. He has no emotional issues that are medically documented, yet he is treated as though he does, therefore, he’s let off the hook far too much. I wish he were the exception and not the rule, however, that isn’t the case any longer.

If you want to know why it’s difficult to keep teachers anymore? Just ask one, “How’s your work environment?” and you’ll have your answer really quickly.