tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32511366854613323102024-03-19T04:12:06.437-05:00Gretchen Speaks...and no one listens.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-59001612319038809422015-02-24T14:14:00.003-06:002015-02-24T14:14:54.141-06:00Learning as we goAs I mentioned previously, we are learning to live frugally since I have given up my career as a public educator and moved into the homeschooling sector. Thus far, our 14-year-old has shown marked improvement in many areas and alarming deficiencies in others. I'm happy to be able to help him grow in his learning.<br />
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The hardest part for us, of course, is learning how to pay all of our bills that we have each month on the single income that we now have. This is a task that I have learned is very difficult, but easy all at the same time. I am perfectly content with denying myself most things. I don't need much of what I have, and that which I do have I realize I don't even need. The hardest part is the children. Our daughter wants to do so much and we can't do it right now. Our son also wants to be able to participate in many things, but we can't afford them at this time. In reality, we won't be able to afford them at all. We are on a strict budget and we have each month's budget down to the penny. I feel awful about this. There is no other way to say it. I feel like the worst mom.<br />
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As it was we gave up luxuries, like cable TV and dining out. Honestly, we could probably give up even more if we really wanted to (cell phones, fresh foods rather than processed food), but I don't see that truly being an option we want to explore at this time.<br />
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I have begun making our laundry soap and dishwasher detergent. I also make our own all-purpose cleaner. I have sold a lot of things via craigslist and Half-Price books. Selling my books was the hardest. How can 5 boxes of books earn me a measly $25? That broke my heart. But it gave my kids that much more.<br />
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I have begun working as a substitute teacher on some days, but the pay for that is nothing like it was when I was the teacher full time. Then again, I like the sanity much more! I suppose there is a trade-off for everything one does. I just hope that by following this decreased lifestyle, our home will be happier for it.<br />
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It seems to be working so far, I think.<br />
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If you have any suggestions on things you make or do at home to help save money, please let me know! I am open to ideas!!Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-46117543372950978762015-01-03T15:22:00.000-06:002015-01-03T15:22:59.739-06:0052 Weeks...It's crazy to think that one year is a measly 52 weeks. That is such a short period of time, that I can't wrap my brain around it. I remember a year seeming to take forever to pass and now, I blink and another year is gone. Where does it go?<br />
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In an effort to remember my year, I have started an "awesome journal". I guess one could call it a blessings journal or something of the sort, but for me it's simply a list of things that I did each day that I consider awesome for me. Tasks I have completed, things that I heard, events that might seem insignificant at first, etc. I think this has been something that I have been needing all along, but never felt I would stick with. I guess that I might (some days) 'forget' to write, or perhaps I just might have bad days where I don't feel like anything was worth recalling. However, as I was thinking about it, every day must have some good in it. And that is my plan for keeping my "awesome journal". How awesome is it that (fill in the blank) happened? Stuff like that happens every day for all of us. My goal for myself it to remember that.<br />
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Yesterday, was payday. I was able to pay bills! That is a good thing. I was also able to buy good food! Another awesome thing. So many don't have days like that. I need to remember that. I am learning to live very frugally since I gave up my career to stay home and educate our son. It's often a difficult task, but worth it for us, for now. Being able to pay bills and buy food on one paycheck is very hard for me, considering how much we were bringing in before, and with Christmas just behind us, it was pretty scary there for a bit. This paycheck came at just the right time.<br />
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I don't much like living paycheck to paycheck, but I know that with some really serious budgeting and strong willpower, it will be fine in the end. That end will be this fall when we re-enroll our son in public school. He starts high school next year and I know that I am not capable of doing that with him as challenging this past semester has been.<br />
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So, 52 weeks is all we are given for 2015 and I intend to use each one of those to better myself and my family.<br />
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<li>I have been working out each day! Simple things really, I got a FitBit and I use it to challenge myself to walk more. I also love dance, so I have been using the fitness option on Dance Central 3 while wearing weights on my ankles. Yeah, that's tough!</li>
<li>Money saving challenge: I know that we have all seen the money challenge where you put a certain amount of money each week and by the last week of the year you put in $52 and you have saved just over $1300 for the year. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEEioN8pamaV4dRdqY_zCSbf8gvwkwwoL0qdv9BJ_K47VXuAt-ZBoDUs7LaOhyphenhyphenUqMiDPWpv_wbDh5ADKduYIjq-LS5y7nVnulqr36bAcA64-PoKTnatiKuwjOdafWt0om80Auwfgjka4/s1600/52+week+money+challenge+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEEioN8pamaV4dRdqY_zCSbf8gvwkwwoL0qdv9BJ_K47VXuAt-ZBoDUs7LaOhyphenhyphenUqMiDPWpv_wbDh5ADKduYIjq-LS5y7nVnulqr36bAcA64-PoKTnatiKuwjOdafWt0om80Auwfgjka4/s1600/52+week+money+challenge+1.jpg" height="320" width="257" /></a></div>
Well, I found that I like a similar system from Household Management 101. They also do money saving each week, but rather than building up all year long, this grows to about halfway through the year then tapers off toward the holidays. It's really a great idea. Here's the <a href="http://www.household-management-101.com/52-week-money-challenge.html" target="_blank">link</a>.</li>
<li>Home cleaning challenge: anyone that knows me or has read any of my previous posts will know that I struggle with maintaining a clean house. I seriously have that whole CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) thing down. I panic at the idea of someone coming to my house. I'm not going to be on an episode of <a href="http://www.aetv.com/hoarders" target="_blank">Hoarders</a> or anything, but I just hate housework with a passion. I try everything I can to avoid it. I am pretty good at avoiding (I'm actually successfully doing that now by writing), but as part of my "Awesome Journal" I am making the conscious effort to change how I look at housework. I am using the <a href="http://www.household-management-101.com/schedules.html" target="_blank">Household Management 101</a> schedules to help with that. I have two days under my belt. I know that if I can maintain this whole month, then I will be successful for the year. I believe that once I have myself in place with this system, then I can reteach my children to be more productive and not rely on Mom and Dad to do everything as we tend to do now. A happy home involves all of the family contributing, not just some members. Of course, the kids might not agree with that idea for now, but I'm hoping that in time they'll come around. </li>
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So, this is my direction for now with these 52 weeks. I can do it. You can cheer me on and be a part of my own internal melodrama as I place my words into my blog posts without really planning what I write.<br />
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52 weeks is a really short time. Want to join me on my weird journey? You are welcome to tag along. </div>
Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-59385841575374669302015-01-01T14:42:00.001-06:002015-01-01T14:42:22.815-06:00New Year; New MeWelcome 2015!<br />
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I am super excited you have arrived.<br />
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No really, I am.<br />
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I expect 2015 to be a transitional year for me and my family. I know 2014 was certainly that and with the known changes I have coming, I am excited to see how things go. Last year I quit my job and became a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling teacher to my son. He was experiencing such difficulty in school that we opted to pull him for a year and see how it goes. Next year, he returns to public school and starts high school. I return to the actual work force.<br />
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I have been working on building my confidence this past year and while I still experience many highs and lows with it, I have felt better about myself than I have in a long time. I'm not sure what the driving force for that is, but I like it!<br />
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I have also started a new program to get my home under control. I tried the FlyLady thing, but that just doesn't work for me. So now, I am following Home Storage Solutions <a href="http://www.home-storage-solutions-101.com/declutter.html" target="_blank">Declutter 365</a> program. I am hoping that by taking the baby steps that FlyLady has taught me and pairing it with decluttering I will see some decent progress. I hate having so much stuff! I don't need this stuff and what I do need I have to find a better way to store it.<br />
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I am also on the way to better physical health. I am a small person. I don't weigh very much and I have a low BMI, however, I can't hold anything with weight for any amount of time and I can't do anything that involves any cardio expense. Therefore, I am working out again. I should never have stopped, but I did and my diet went to pot. Not the best options.<br />
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Now, in the past, I have scoffed at New Year's Resolutions because I don't think that you have to have a new year to start doing something. That being stated, this year just feels different. I woke up feeling differently. I am working on myself to make me a better wife, mother, and friend. Three things that I know I need to work on. I have always been bad about taking care of me. This year that is over! I will conquer the crazy within and become the amazing person that I know I can be.<br />
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Hey, you know what? I'm pretty awesome.<br />
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-25851645623666270972014-09-22T15:20:00.002-05:002014-09-29T09:34:43.990-05:00Surround yourself with PositivityStep three to being more confident is to consider the people that surround you.<br />
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Do you find yourself starting your day off well, then somehow you end up feeling depressed, disappointed, or disenchanted? Did you wake up this morning feeling like the world was your oyster and then it seems as though it suddenly change?<br />
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This may not be your fault!!<br />
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I would go to my classroom each day with a smile on my face feeling relatively excited to start each new day. Some times, I would see other coworkers in the hallway and I would start to fade in my positive mode. Many people we are around each day are the typical <i>Negative Nancy, Debbie Downer, or Pessimistic Patty.</i><br />
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Regardless of the obvious gender issue that I see with these phrases, we all know some of these people. I, at times, have been one or more of these people. I try to avoid it, or if I know I am feeling that way I will avoid others. I don't like having a negative impact on others. I know that I have a precarious mood at times and I don't want other people to perceive my negative moods and then cause them to feel influenced.<br />
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If the people with which you surround yourself are typically negative people, then you will likely feel that negativity and it will begin to ooze out of you. You may not intend it to happen, but it can. This is definitely not a good way to boost your confidence.<br />
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Surround yourself with people that are positive. I know that this may seem difficult, but it is possible!! There are more positive people out there than you originally thought!! You have that potential. I think Sandi Krakowski said it best:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYbvp36gxpvHnngF9Pd9liPDvM73vLdLgoXoU7rjX6Y28aWgergYBJMOBuQBNH37aLZIz3IO2gDqwb84tGrbLdCBvlpH4C2nc9rKaaoBJOdJiaZdenrNmLI0R_123fvoDipDaq-_2nrUo/s1600/Cheerleader+for+others.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYbvp36gxpvHnngF9Pd9liPDvM73vLdLgoXoU7rjX6Y28aWgergYBJMOBuQBNH37aLZIz3IO2gDqwb84tGrbLdCBvlpH4C2nc9rKaaoBJOdJiaZdenrNmLI0R_123fvoDipDaq-_2nrUo/s1600/Cheerleader+for+others.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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You are in control of yourself. You may not be able to control the thoughts and actions of those around you, but you make the choice to continue to be around them. I learned, when I was walking through the school hallways, to not stop and talk with anyone that appeared to be having a negative day. I made the choice to continue walking down the hallway and to smile at the others around me to make both them and I feel better. I would greet people, there is no reason to be rude, but I wouldn't stay and chat. It doesn't make sense to allow someone else around you to suck out your positive energy. I believe that we all have a positive energy. We just have to tap into it. If you are not a morning person, this may be more difficult than not, but regardless, once you are up and moving, you may as well try to find some joy in the day.<br />
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I have a friend that I love talking with. She is very much a <i>carpe diem</i> type of friend. She is the one I call when I need a lift. I only met her two years ago, but she is very much my best friend. She emailed me the other day a list of positive traits about me because I couldn't list them for myself. She made me cry in a very good way. She helps me to strive to be more in the moment. I hope that we can all find a friend like that!<br />
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I think Bobby McFerrin said it best though:<br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/d-diB65scQU" target="_blank">Don't Worry, Be Happy</a><br />
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Final Note: The last thing I want to say is that depression is a very real issue. I have battled with it my entire life. In fact, fighting it was what prompted me to begin looking at what I needed to do be feel more confident. Depression makes me feel like a <strike>less than ideal person</strike> loser. I feel like I am useless and worthless. Therefore, I decided to start researching how to be more positive and how to be more confident. Then, I opted to write about it. I can only hope that if you are battling depression, you are able to write about it and find the positive. There are times when that is impossible. When you get to that point, please know that there is absolutely <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">NOTHING</u> wrong with talking to a therapist. Furthermore, if you feel that there is nothing else for you and you want to end it all, PLEASE call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). There is always someone. There honestly is.<br />
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<br />Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-46778056414971924362014-09-22T13:40:00.000-05:002014-09-22T13:40:09.701-05:00Celebrating StrengthDo you know what your strengths are? Have you ever actually sat down and thought about it? Or are you constantly critical and rarely stop to think about what you really can do well?<br />
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If you are like me, you are much more the latter than the former. </div>
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My first thought when trying to determine what my strengths are is laughable. Literally, I laughed. I have no strengths. I can't possibly have anything of which I am exceptionally good to make me feel very proud. Rather, I started thinking about all the stuff at which I am exceptionally bad. I can easily make that list.</div>
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So, how does one make a list of things that one does well? Honestly, I'm working on that. See right now, I am writing this blog to avoid doing other things that I know I need to do. I do have an amazing power of procrastination. However, I doubt that is much of a strength. In fact, I'm pretty sure that is more of a negative. But, I realize that knowing is half the battle (Thanks, G.I. Joe for teaching me that) and at least I am aware of it. I also know that I procrastinate because I feel overwhelmed much of the time and I just don't know where to begin.</div>
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For example, today I have a lot I have to do. I know that I have a novel that I need to proof. I have a great deal of housework that must get done. I have meals to create, animals that need attention, and children that do as well. I know that I need to prioritize this to get done what needs to be done, but for some reason my brain screams NO!!!! TOO MUCH!!!! Play mindless games instead. Check out what others are doing on Facebook. Read email that you don't actually care about. Read random blogs. So many options are available to distract us from what we need to do. When we start giving into these distractions, we are no longer able to really focus on what we must do; the things that make us feel good and productive.</div>
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So, I challenge myself and you, too. For one day, 24 hours, turn off your distractions. Focus on what you need to have completed. When you see that you are able to accomplish so much, you will be amazed. Now, if you have young children that cannot function on their own yet, that's one thing. But if you are not glued to a television, computer, or handheld electronic device you can get so much done. Even if only for a little stretch at a time.When you are able to get things done, you see that you really have no excuses left.</div>
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So the whole point of this particular post was supposed to be celebrating the strengths that we each have. Rather, it turned in to a pep talk about giving up distractions. But really, aren't they both the same thing? When you get rid of the distractions, don't you have the ability to find your strengths? I think so. That's why I will be going to figure out my strengths now. You should too.</div>
Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-43167035337531190942014-09-19T10:16:00.001-05:002014-09-19T10:16:03.172-05:00Perspectacles<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Every now and then, with the amazing world at our fingertips called the Internet, we come across an article that really puts things into perspective. Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and came across a couple of different articles and videos that different friends posted, but they all seemed to be directed at me. It's like they just knew that I needed to view these things today. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, there was something causing me to see these today. What I learned from these articles/videos is that I needed to take a moment and step back for some perspective. As one writer noted in her post <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/a-whole-new-and-necessary-way-to-see-your-messy-house_b_5791612.html" target="_blank">here</a>, it's a matter of looking through perspectacles. A silly, made-up word that I like very much because it makes complete sense. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My house is a messy, unkempt place. We live in it. All the time. We have pets, children, and love. We have an amazing home that accommodates our mid-sized family perfectly. We have so much to be thankful for that at times we forget to be thankful because we take things for granted or we don't stop to smell the proverbial roses.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As the author posted at the beginning of the post noted above:</span><br />
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<strong style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"If we do not feel grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we'd be happy with more?" -- Unknown</span></strong><br />
<strong style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></strong>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is no need for us to "keep up with the Jones" or the Kardashians for that matter. It makes no logical sense to compare ourselves to those around us. We are always telling our children that, but why do we not follow that as adults? Why do we not practice what we preach? This is one of those times when I, dealing with my inner demons, need to put on my perspectacles and stop and smell the roses. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">I am a mom. I get to work from home! The best job in the world! I get to home-school my autistic son and help him to learn how to navigate this crazy, screwed-up world! I get to help my daughter learn how to be a confident, mature young woman. I struggle with that myself, but I am home and able to help my daughter find herself like I didn't really do as a young girl. I have a roof over my head, I have food on my table, I have fresh water to drink, I have access to anything I could possibly ever need and I take advantage of that.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I was teaching, I had students that had no idea how to ride a bike, let alone actually own one! I have six downstairs right now! We can take family rides at any time we want. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">I have a husband that I love and that loves me. We support each other in everything that we do. We care for each other and provide for each other. We listen to each other and talk </span></span><i style="color: #333333; line-height: 21px;">with </i><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">each other. Note the <i>with</i> and not to or at. We actually discuss and solve and fix things together.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">I am an amazingly blessed woman! If the rest of us were to step back and look through our OWN perspectacles, we might realize that we all are. We don't have to have the best of ANYTHING! We don't need to put ourselves so deep into debt just to make our home look a certain way or to have <i>things</i>. We need each other. Our home to protect us. Food to eat.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">I have all of that. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">I. Love. It.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">In case you wanted to watch the video that really got my attention today, you can find it <a href="http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3792885561001" target="_blank">here</a>. Now, it's a Mormon made video, but the message is what is really important. Whether you are religious or not, regardless, the message is the same for all of us.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;">I hope that you are able to find your perspectacles as I did mine.</span></span>Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-49562423984628959312014-09-15T08:29:00.000-05:002014-09-15T08:29:09.217-05:00Becoming Good EnoughThe first step in not being self-conscious is to set an intention.<br />
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Now, you may lean back in your seat and think, what the heck does that have to do with anything? Honestly that was my first thought, but as I am thinking about it, I realize it's like setting a personal goal. My intention is to like my self and my life as a positive representation for my children, particularly my daughter.<br />
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We are inundated with information about how to be some specific way for the world to see. From television, to magazines, to movies, even literature. everything has ideals on how people should present themselves to others. Nothing really seems to address how people feel about themselves, but looks to others for that validation.<br />
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One particular example that I can think of is the story <i>Purplicious</i> by Victoria Kann and Elizabeth Kann. The story is cute enough, but Pinkalicious, after being teased and tormented about liking pink, doesn't really love her color choice until the new girl at school validates her choice to love pink and shows her that it makes purple which is the new girl's color of choice. Shouldn't she just like it because she likes it? Regardless of what other's think?<br />
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I realize this is super simplistic, and may not be the best analogy, but I think it is a pretty significant point. If we are supposed to feel confident, why should we need another person's validation that what we like is okay to like? Shouldn't we be able to just say, "Because I Said So!" and be done with it? Am I mistaken in thinking that most people don't automatically do this? I know I nearly never have. I have always felt that I had to have the outside validation.<br />
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Often we don't get that acceptance that we crave and it's really because other people are busy focused on themselves, to bother with validating others. What I know we get a lot of is criticism. With constant outside criticism, you hear only one thing in your head... "You Aren't Good Enough".<br />
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How hard is it just to type those words? You Are Not Good Enough. They require all capitalization because they are so significant. After a while, the outside support you may have been able to hear as a child quickly disappears and then you no longer want to seek that outside affirmation. Eventually, that negativity is all you can hear and you start to believe.<br />
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I think that is why middle school/junior high is such a tumultuous time for so many pre-adolescents. You need outside support because you are trying to find yourself, but if you don't have a solid support in place, you won't get it. You will hear the taunting, the snide comments, the hurtful things, but you will rarely hear the positive things.<br />
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By the time you get to high school, the damage is pretty strong and no you are really hitting puberty and feel horribly awkward and anxious. You compare yourself to others because that is what you are taught to do from everything surrounding you. Eventually, you come to the conclusion that You Are Not Good Enough.<br />
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So you start hating yourself for being such a loser, even if you never actually call yourself that. You think that all those evil little voices in your head that really do affirm the negative things you heard others say are right. You can't figure out how anyone could ever like you, especially yourself. So, you sit in your office one night, and look up how to not feel self-conscious. And you begin pouring your heart into a post on a blog.<br />
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You hope to goodness that no one actually reads this blog because if you do hear negativity, you are pretty sure it will all be for naught and every hateful thing you have ever thought about yourself is true. You really don't want to visit that dark place again where you told yourself that your husband and children would be so much better without you.You know that deep, deep, down it isn't true. And that little glimmer at the bottom is what keeps you trying every day. You decide to start today and you set your intention.<br />
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I think about my children growing up without a mom, my husband raising two children without a wife and partner. I know that I can never allow that to happen. So I set my intention.<br />
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I intend to like myself and my life. I intend to see the good that there is in me. I intend to find out what it is like to feel pride when I look in the mirror each day rather than disdain. It takes so much out of you to not like yourself. It is physically and emotionally draining. I intend to end that horrible cycle. Because it is horrible. No one deserves to feel that way. No one should feel that way.<br />
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No one.<br />
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Every person should be happy with themselves, because we have such an amazing gift! We get to live! We get to explore this amazing world, we get to experience things that are mind boggling! We are lucky! We are amazing! We really are Good Enough!Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-57944464039726005132014-09-09T22:38:00.000-05:002014-09-09T22:38:12.134-05:00How to NOT be self-conscious...Interesting that we are in a society where everyone has some self-conscious moments, but evidently, not everyone feels self-conscious most of the time. That special little title is not applicable to everyone, like I had always assumed. See, I can't do anything without feeling self-conscious or self-critical. Honestly, I thought everyone felt that way. I had no idea that I was the abnormal one.<br />
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I recently quit my career as a teacher and embarked upon a new one, where I work from home as an editor/proofreader. I also homeschool/unschool our 13 year old Autistic son. In my new, awesome, amazing career, I work from home reading currently unpublished novels for self-published author's. Many of the books I have been reviewing lately are of the romance genre. Evidently a popular genre.<br />
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I noted to my husband how irritating I found it that the main female characters in these books always feel so amazing the instant that their clothes come off. How can they never seem to feel uncomfortable with their bodies or their feelings? I asked him why he thought that this was the case and he told me that most people tend to feel comfortable with themselves, particularly when they are intimate with others.<br />
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This is honest-to-goodness news to me. I honestly don't know whether I believe him or not. If this is true, then why on Earth are the so many magazine articles, websites, self-help books, and therapists out there helping people to feel better about themselves? If this is not true, then how does one stop one's self from feeling self-conscious?<br />
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As I stated above, I feel self-conscious pretty much all the time. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, I don't feel as though I am ... I guess ... good enough. As my husband stated to me, you just have to learn to like yourself. My first thought that crossed my mind was seriously, <i>what is there to like</i>? Now as I look at it, I realize that is not a healthy perspective of one's self so I began looking online to find out how to help myself become a happier inner me and shut up my inner witch.<br />
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I found one article that lead to two different articles. One listed 12 ways to accept yourself and the other listed three steps for self acceptance. So, ultimately that is 15 steps. The three smaller steps list is very general, which would make sense considering that learning to like yourself is a pretty huge thing. At least I think so.<br />
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I would type them all out, but I think I'll address each of them separately. I plan to begin with the 12 steps first (who doesn't love a good 12 step program, right?) because it does have more specific goals. After that, I intend to move on to the 3. Hang out for a bit. I think I may just enjoy this, or I may end up rambling about stuff that no one really cares about.<br />
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That may just be my self-consciousness shouting out again.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-20010515460736844852013-09-10T22:20:00.001-05:002013-09-10T22:23:20.344-05:00Things Students SayI had a student ask me today a question that I considered to have an obvious answer, but seemed to have a surprising answer for her. The question was, "will people be reading and writing about us in History books?"<div><br></div><div>My immediate thought was, "of course, duh"! But then I realized that this young lady was legitimately asking me this question. So I told her that yes, one day they will be the people in History books. Then I posed to her a question that took her by surprise. </div><div><br></div><div>"What kind of history do you want to be known for?"</div><div><br></div><div>I told her that even George Washington was a 14-year-old kid once upon a time. And I bet he probably didn't think he would be a prominent person in history. Adolf Hitler was once a 13-year-old kid and I doubt that he would have thought that he would have as profound an impact on history as he did. </div><div><br></div><div>These revelations allowed for a very interesting "teachable moment" with my class. These children all wanted to know what I thought about their futures. I told them that they are writing their own histories every day, even though they didn't know it. One day they would leave a legacy behind for their progeny to either respect or hide from. </div><div><br></div><div>So I asked them again. "What kind of history do you want to be known for?"</div><div><br></div><div>This time I added, "do you want your grandchildren to be able to speak highly of you, or do you want them to be ashamed"?</div><div><br></div><div>They all verbally and non-verbally agreed that they want their families of the future to be proud of them and their accomplishments.</div><div><br></div><div>When I explained to them, that the path to the positive or the negative has already begun for them, but that they can always change their paths as they progress, they seemed a little scared (as any 13-year-old child would), but I told them that as long as they keep the question about their future history stories in their minds, they will choose the right path for them.</div><div><br></div><div>There are no laws or regulations that say you are stuck in the same path forever. You can grow and change. You can venture forth into uncharted territories and be remembered for great, amazing things. You can sail a calm path and be happy. You can do what ever you want to do. </div><div><br></div><div>After that I told them that I was going to get off my soapbox now, and they all got a confused look on their faces and asked, "what's a soapbox"? </div><div><br></div><div>I guess we can't win them all.</div>Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-63986561601341478382013-01-13T14:31:00.001-06:002013-01-13T14:31:10.886-06:00Tonight, We Cook!I will never profess to be anything even remotely resembling a chef. I can barely boil water. And yet, I have days where I like to pretend I can cook. Today I will be making an orange glazed tilapia for dinner with rosemary roasted carrots. Now, I'm sure the tilapia would be better paired with rice and broccoli, but I don't eat grains as much as possible and I'm out of broccoli. So carrots it is.<br />
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I have also been working out a lot lately in an effort to build up some physical fitness. As much as I like relaxing on the couch, I realize that I will begin to look like virtually every other adult female in my family if I do. This is not a legacy I wish to pass on to my daughter. So physical fitness is important in our house. I don't subscribe to any one fitness routine. Truly, I fit it in where I can. Saturdays I take an adult ballet class. As a former dancer, this is my true passion. If I could dance daily, I would. I also love to play the various dance games on Xbox. That is a workout!! I also do Tabata style workouts. <a href="http://www.tabatatraining.org/">This</a> is a good resource if you are curious. Finally, a coworker and I have started challenging each other in my classroom. During one of our classes together (she is my co-teacher and an awesome one at that!). So everyday, we do little things in class. The students think its funny. Hopefully they too will see the importance of working out. Some of my students are quite overweight, sadly.<br />
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I hope that by my own resolve, I can better my life and encourage you to better yours. :-)Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-90410315688123920402013-01-01T14:16:00.001-06:002013-01-01T15:31:20.274-06:00New Year, New Start<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My husband, Sean, and I decided that this is our year. We will be getting healthier both physically, mentally, and financially. I do not typically make resolutions, but I think this is something important for us and our family. Time to break out of this unhealthy rut we have found ourselves in.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Breakfast</b>: Gluten-free waffles (due to personal health issues) -I don't typically like any type of grain, but today was a special day for the kiddos.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Lunch & Dinner</b>: Corned Beef, Cabbage, & Black-Eyed-Peas (a family tradition for each new year)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Workout</b>: Beachbody 10 minute trainer: Cardio & Brazil Butt Lift: Bum Bum</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You can be my buddy on Beachbody if you use that site: <a href="http://www.teambeachbody.com/member/sn/Gretchenn" target="_blank">Gretchen's Beachbody Profile</a></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Only I am accountable for my actions. Oh yeah, I am also saving all my pennies for a new laptop. Trying to type a post on my iPad is really ridiculous. Even one penny a day will buy me a decent little laptop at the end of a year.</span>Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-80625023906405911802012-10-06T22:47:00.000-05:002012-10-06T22:47:15.532-05:00I wonder if I could ever be a writer.How often do you tell yourself "I'll do that later"? Then you realize that you never did it at all and you start to get mad at yourself. Then this seems to become an evil growing monster within yourself that you are now battling everyday and you start to think less of yourself. You start to think that everything is your fault. Perhaps if you just stop doing that procrastinating behavior it wouldn't be so difficult.
Then, you realize that you have instilled that behavior in those around you and you realize you really are to blame. If only you had not been that way from the beginning, you wouldn't hate yourself now and the person you've become. You start trying to change yourself, but those around you are so ingrained with the previous way, that you find it virtually impossible to shift your own behaviors. You visit with others and realize that they don't have problems like you do, so it really is all your fault.
Then you start to think dark and despairing thoughts. You try to ignore them. You tell yourself that you don't deserve to be a part of those around you and you start to distance yourself from them. You feel yourself slipping into an internal darkness but continue to pretend on the outside that you are okay. You get up each day, look about you and think "why bother", but you continue on anyhow. You don't really understand why you do it.
You feel deeply lost and full of self-hatred because you are an ugly person and you lash out at others that don't deserve your lashings. Then you hate yourself even more and think those dark despairing thoughts again and again. You want them to stop, but you can't make them go away. You tell yourself you are being dramatic, over-reactive, and just plain stupid. You try to return back to pretending to be happy.
You soon realize that you are in need of help from this despairing place you have put yourself, but you don't want to admit that everything is your fault, so you avoid seeking the help you need. You cry to yourself that you are not worthy of help. Deep inside you realize that you believe that this is true. Those around you may realize that you believe it and attempt to help. Or they may just tell you that you are being melodramatic and you need to get over it.
Others tell you that it <i>is</i> all your fault and if only you had changed from the beginning, which just makes you feel terrible and perhaps even a bit worse. So you start panicking because you see where this thought process is headed. You need to break it and fast or else something bad may happen. The evil monster inside roars and says "maybe something bad should happen, maybe then those around you will do better than what you have done". Then you go to bed and cry, because you think this is all true and the evil monster is right.
Then you are filled with a self-loathing so great that it consumes your every thought. You start to project the opposite to others outside you because you want them to think that you are okay. That you realize you need to fix all those problems within yourself and now you are smiling as you talk with them and you are practically cheerful to everyone. However, inside you know the truth. And you hate who you are. And you want it to stop. But you don't know what to do any more. So you give up. And cry. Again.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-79926151354221526182010-08-12T19:49:00.001-05:002010-08-12T19:49:52.053-05:00What Once Was...I remember this one time when I was about 9 or 10 years old that I tried to run away from home. <br /><br />Now, I’m certain that all children get that idea at some point in time or another. Running away from home seems like such a good idea. You are tired of the oppression of your parents and you desire the ability to make your own choices about everything. You are idealistic and naïve and don’t really understand the whole picture that goes along with being on your own.<br /><br />The funny thing is though, I don’t know anyone that has every really gone through with it. I know there are definitely those who do, but I know none of them. I was one of those that I was fully prepared to run away. I had a plan in place. I had my clothes packed. I had my sleeping bag and my favorite stuffed dog. I had everything set up with the girl; I think her name was Caroline; that lived across the street from me. We were going to run away together. <br /><br />There was this shack… I guess one could call it. It was clearly abandoned. It had a door and windows. It had a roof and four walls. It was about as shack-like as I had ever known. It was also not too far from where we lived. It was the perfect place as far as we could see. Caroline and I knew that this was going to be our future home. We had decided how we were going to set it up, complete with curtains. That’s right, curtains in a shack. But to us, this was going to be the perfect homestead. I don’t remember what time of year it was, but I think it may have been the summer. Summer in the North Carolina wasn’t too bad. Not like in Texas where, by August you are wishing for snow.<br /><br />Neither of us had ever been to the shack. We had just seen it by the road each time our parents drove by it. So we didn’t really know what to expect when we got there. Of course, that was our plan. To get there.<br /><br />I set my alarm clock in my room for about 3am. Late enough to ensure that everyone in the house is asleep and there would be few people out. Did everyone plan out their running away like that? I had all of my things already packed up and ready to go. I was so deliberate in my plan that when I snuck out of the house by the sliding back door, I made sure to place the rod in a way that would lock me out of the house when I closed the door. It was a major moment to me. I was going to run away and I wasn’t going back home. There was no way for me to go back home, so this was it.<br /><br />I made my way over to Caroline’s house. Her window was closed, so I tapped on it for probably about fifteen minutes or so. Caroline never stirred. I saw her lying in her canopy bed with the yellow sheets and lacey comforter, her right arm thrown up over her head. She lay that way the whole time I was tapping on her window. She never woke up.<br /><br />At this time I realized I was in some trouble. My shack-partner was clearly not going to follow through with our plan and I had locked myself out of my house. I suddenly became nervous. I was afraid to head over to the shack on my own. It was, after all, the three o’clock hour and there could be any number of scary things out there. When you are with a friend, it doesn’t seem quite so bad, but completely on your own? Nope. Not happening. So I did the only thing I could do. I made my way back to the house.<br /><br />I went first to my window, but I knew it wouldn’t be open. I had double checked prior to leaving that it was locked. I was serious about leaving. I went back to the sliding door and tested it. I did a good job of making sure I couldn’t get back in. I stared at that rod in the doorway with such frustration. Why couldn’t I have thought this part of the plan out? Why was I so insistent that I was never going to return? What was I going to do? <br /><br />I did the only thing any normal 9 or 10 year old would do. I pulled out my Strawberry Shortcake sleeping back and proceeded to set up camp outside the back door. It was at this point that I realized a crucial mistake in my overall plan. <br /><br />I had forgotten my pillow. Thankfully, I had my trusty stuffed dog. She was grey and white. She had a red felt tongue. She was terribly itchy, but she made a really good pillow in the lacking presence of anything else. Beggars can’t be choosers at this point. I lay down trying to figure out my next step. Clearly someone was going to have to let me in. I don’t know who it would be, but a part of me was hoping that one of my little brothers would. I didn’t want to have to explain any of this to my parents. Eventually, I fell asleep on that back porch surrounded by blue hydrangeas.<br /><br />I woke probably two hours later. I estimate this based on the light that was starting to shine. When I opened my eyes and put my glasses on, I realized that the rod had been removed and was now lying next to the track. What should I think about this? There was no one in the living room. My parents, as I could see through the other sliding glass door, were still in their beds and appeared to be asleep.<br /><br />As quietly as I could, I slid the door open and tip-toed inside. Our cat Seymour was there to greet me. I found out later he played an integral part in my ability to return home. I carefully closed the door and made my way back to my room. I snuggled under the sheets and blanket with a real pillow underneath my head and fell asleep.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-7744431195760210932010-08-04T01:26:00.001-05:002010-08-04T01:26:38.280-05:00I can't decide if blogging is still an active concept or if people are tossing it by the wayside. It seems that with the advent of so many social networking sites, that blogging is no longer as necessary to keep up with family and friends as it once was. I don't much care one way or the other. I just find it difficult to procrastinate when the blogs I read do not update at least weekly so as to allow me something else to do when I should be working on some important project.<br /><br />So. Do you have any blogs that you find to be exceptionally noteworthy? Anything I should add to my list of blogs to read on a weekly basis when I am avoiding work? I would like to expand my list. Feed my poor work habits.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-9135471553717542282010-07-30T11:24:00.001-05:002010-07-30T11:24:55.155-05:00To Be A WriterHave you ever had that feeling that you are not accomplishing all you should? that you need to be doing something more?<br /><br />I feel that way when I read poetry and learn about poets that began writing at such young ages. For example, I learned about the poet Christina Rossetti. She began writing at age five and wrote her entire life. <br /><br />I like writing. Actually, I really enjoy writing a lot. However, I feel like I never have anything worthy of writing about. I didn't have a childhood that was filled with strife. Rather I think my childhood was quite idyllic. No one wants to read about that. Do they? I would think not.<br /><br />Heartache and difficulty are not things that I have much experience with and yet any type of writing I tend to read, particularly in poetry. These authors have some kind of personal experiences that involve some type of struggle. I wish I didn't feel so inept.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-69397420165062085702010-06-30T12:18:00.001-05:002010-06-30T12:18:15.860-05:00Procrastination Rears It's Ugly Head...AgainI'm curious if anyone has any tips for eradicating procrastination from one's life. As many of you are well aware, I am in graduate school (only 4 classes left!!!!). However, I have had no breaks in the classes. As soon as one ends, the next class begins the following day. I'm so exhausted from school that I have begun delaying completing my work until the last possible minute.<br /><br />Yes, I know this is a poor choice to make. Yes, I am aware that it will only bite me in the behind. Yes, I know that life would be so much easier if I would not follow this particular path, and yet it's a habit I still adhere to.<br /><br />It's so bad that I have a paper due today and instead, I am posting about not doing my paper. <strike>Stupid</strike> Not intelligent, I know, so tell me what you do to prevent yourself from procrastinating over something when you really really don't want to do it. Any and all suggestions are welcome!Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-20447987392381598332010-06-29T13:52:00.002-05:002010-06-30T10:20:27.477-05:00I Need to Count My Blessings1. I have a son who is so inquisitive he is amazing<br />2. I have a daughter that makes me smile every day... and usually laugh too.<br />3. I have a husband who makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.<br />4. I have a home that I love...especially when it is clean!<br />5. I have the ability to drive anywhere I want at any given point in time.<br />6. I have food in my house and the ability to purchase food whenever I need to.<br />7. I am blessed to have a college education<br />8. I am lucky enough to go to graduate school and earn a new degree.<br />9. I have some wonderful friends.<br />10. I have a loving family.<br />11. I am gainfully employed.<br />12. My brother is no longer in Iraq.<br />13. My parents are married...to each other...and they like each other!<br />14. The ability to spend the summer with my children.<br />15. Cable and Internet on demand...Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-50924854651038016412010-06-23T16:33:00.002-05:002010-06-23T16:46:40.766-05:00Summer Lovin'Another year down in the teaching log. For those who are keeping track, because I know you stay glued to your computer just waiting for the next update, I have now completed three years in the teaching world. Year four is swiftly approaching. I am so not ready for it.<br /><br />The best parts of summer are a few things. <br /><br />The first is my birthday. I always pretend that I'm annoyed by turning another year older, but the truth is I love birthdays. I'm always a little sad that birthdays aren't really celebrated when one gets older though. I kind of wish I could have a kick butt birthday party where everyone shows up and actually has a good time.<br /><br />I stress the good time part simply because the last time Sean and I hosted a party at our house, it seemed awkward. Apparently you need to be gifted in the party throwing realm and we, alas, are not. My neighbors are awesome party throwers. I tried to follow their style, but I still lacked the panache. It's actually depressing, and so I don't throw parties. Ever.<br /><br />You know it's sad when you would like to throw a party and you actually look up HOW to do it well. Perhaps I'll figure it out some day.<br /><br />But, I digress. The second best part about Summer is vacation time. This year we are doing things a little differently. We are going camping on the beach this summer. Hopefully, that tropical something or another out in the Atlantic will stay away for the time being. We plan to camp, swim, eat, and have fun for three days on the beach. After that Sean and I will drop the children with my parents for four wonderful days of NOTHING!!!! I'm so excited about it. I can't wait to just relax. I rarely have that opportunity. The only drawback is that I am still in graduate school and I will still have to work on that, but other than that, all will be well.<br /><br />So, what about you? What are your favorite parts of summer? Yes, I am assuming you have favorite parts of summer.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-45646757918355787252010-03-07T15:54:00.002-06:002010-03-07T16:15:23.064-06:00HmmmI've been sitting at my computer thinking about how I need to post something new. I'm pleased that I think I may have figured out what I would like to be when I grow up, but I'm not entirely certain how to go about it. I was at a conference the past few days and I had the opportunity to listen to a keynote speaker in a field that really spoke to me.<br /><br />I found it evident, by looking at the audience, that I was probably one of the few who were truly interested in the speaker and what he had to say. Dr. Jeffrey M. Zacks is a cognitive scientist. All I can say is, I found his speech to be interesting in ways I hadn't felt about education in quite some time. <br /><br />I came home from the conference with a great deal of information that I can apply in my classroom, and a desire to learn more about cognitive science. There is a great deal of background in psychology required and I have always love psychology. It was my first major, but then I changed fields after a while, into education. Now I just feel trapped in a field that offers job security, terribly pay, horrible hours, and nothing but frustration. <br /><br />I have always enjoyed learning, so I can't help but think that perhaps my life has sent me in this direction to place me in line with Dr. Zacks, so that I may figure out that I should be into researching. I am thrilled that I can at least try this out a little bit, because the class I've just started is all about research.<br /><br />I'm thrilled with this new class and I hope that I really do find my niche. Maybe I can finally feel a sense of purpose in my life, rather than that of the annoyed school teacher. *sigh*Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-41947879637732232672009-12-29T11:13:00.002-06:002009-12-29T11:27:11.208-06:00Another Year Bites the DustHere it is, December 29th. Nearly time for the new year to be received. It is always astounding how quickly the year flys by, but still seems to take so long.<br /><br />As per usual, I find the year's end to be filled with both joy and frustration. I'm thrilled that we all survived another year and have become as close as a family can. I love my husband and children so much that I can't imagine not having them in my life. I'm thrilled that I'm on break from teaching, because if I weren't, I'd probably strangle all of the 8th graders in the school! (kidding, of course).<br /><br />I'm frustrated, though, because I feel as though I don't have enough time to get things in order like I want. Don't ask me what I mean, I don't even know what I mean. I think it's one of those "I'll know it when I see it" types of things.<br /><br />Sean and I have slacked something terrible on our workout schedule since JUNE! ACK! So we have decided that we are going to really try hard to get back into a good shape, as round isn't what we are going for. My weight isn't the issue, it's the BMI index that I find upsetting. I'm not fat, but I am squishy. Squishy is not something I want to be, so we are going to work hard and get back to where we were six months ago. I know we will look great in the next six months! Just in time for swimsuits! I would also like to point out that this is NOT a resolution. I don't do those. This is more than that. It's a life altering change for the better, and it's necessary.<br /><br />So, once again, I intend to keep up better with my blog. I'm certain that anyone who has read me for any period of time will know that I am not a writer, though I fancy myself one. I like to pretend that people are interested enough in me to read through what I write on occasion, so comments every once in a while are nice. If you are a lurker, please feel free to say hello!<br /><br />Happy New Year!Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-19737594613904441412009-09-12T00:24:00.002-05:002009-09-12T00:37:45.443-05:00WritingI have begun something in my classroom that I find beneficial to me as well. I have instituted writing time. Every day for the first 10 minutes of class, students are to write in their writing journals. After we set up their journals (numbered pages, created a table of contents, etc.), they spent a week creating lists of topics. This week I had them choose a topic and write about it. A few grumbled, a few ignored me (darned kids), and a surprising number were thrilled.<br /><br />The best part that I did though, was sit down and write in MY journal. I am finding how surprising it is that I can do it. I will just begin writing and do it for the entire 10 minutes. Then when the next class comes in for their class, I continue to write. I have been writing for about 30 minutes a day. I'm really quite proud of myself. I actually like what I have written too! I think that's what makes it so astounding.<br /><br />I consider it to be something like the concept of "sleep when the baby sleeps". I write when my students write and it's working really well. They were surprised to see me writing when I first started doing it. I think that as a teacher, we forget to participate in our own teaching and use the quiet time to work at our desks. I like my writing time. I like feeling empowered by my words. I like writing something and realizing that I mean what I say. I told my students, especially those who claim they have nothing to write about, that I felt that way for the longest time. Now, however, I notice just how much I do have to write about.<br /><br />We each created a list of people in our lives, mine took up three columns on one page in a composition notebook. Then, I started adding bits and pieces to each name that really stuck with me. I would add a little detail here and a note there. Now, I'm aware of how many little stories I have. I commented a while ago that I was planning to write a book. I just didn't know what I was planning to write it on. I now have an idea forming in my head, and I'm going to keep playing with it. Perhaps, I may be a writer after all. Now, if only I could <strong>teach</strong> it!<br /><br />On a side note, I'm looking at career alternatives. Teaching is much too stressful with 8th graders, but I still like teaching. I'm thinking maybe something more corporate. Like a corporate trainer or something. Instead of being at those boring trainings, I could be conducting them. How cool is that?! Additionally, class number 1 for grad school is down and now on class #2. I hope it's all over sooner rather than later, but estimated graduation isn't until June 2011. Keep me in your thoughts, please. This juggling act isn't easy.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-91199053607610200352009-08-04T21:23:00.003-05:002009-08-04T21:57:20.406-05:00A Writer Is...<blockquote>"Writers are like other people, except for at least one important difference. Other people dave daily thoughts and feelings, notice this sky or that smell, but they don't do much about it."</blockquote><br /><br />This quote comes from the book <em>A Writer's Notebook: Unlocking the Writer Within You</em> by Ralph Fletcher.<br /><br />That statement made me think that perhaps I am not the writer I always dreamed of being. In fact, today my friend K and I were discussing writing a children's book. After all, we read them in our classrooms and they seem so simple, why couldn't we do the same. All one needs is a character, setting, problem, and solution. And illustrations. However, as we talked about it, I realized that there is more to writing a story than simply coming up with a character, setting, problem and solution. There is development of each thing. Then there are details that need to be added. The more I considered it, the more I began to realize how difficult it is to write a story.<br /><br />Then again, isn't that all it takes to build a story. You need the creativity to develop the idea and the ability to put it into a cohesive, flowing format? I am beginning to think that the most difficult part to the whole thing is the perfectionism attitude that seems to stick in my mind. I do not recall if I read the statement that a writer's work is never perfect to the writer of if I am just making it up, but I think that would be my greatest difficulty in writing. <br /><br />I do see beauty in ordinary things (well, except for that floating grocery bag...still don't get that whole thing). If not beauty then certainly amazing things that just stick with me. Maybe when I can get past the idea that no matter how hard I try, when I write something down it will never be perfect will help me to understand that I can be a writer. I don't need to have perfection, but I do need to have character, setting, problem and solution. Hmmm. Food for thought. For me anyhow.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-45409391378984434242009-07-08T22:52:00.000-05:002009-07-08T22:53:06.535-05:00I've been feeling down lately. Really down. Not like myself. It kind of scares me. I have that "I just want to roll over and go back to bed for a while" feeling. I don't get that way often, but when I do, it's hard to break the funk. I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to stop it. The fact that Sean is going to be gone for the next four days isn't helpful either. I think I just want to cry for a little while. Perhaps that is all I really need to do. Cry for just a little bit. Maybe then I'll feel better, but I doubt it.<br /><br />I just need to break the mood. Any suggestions on what I can do for that? I don't really care what they are, I just need to try something. I'm frustrated that I'm so lame. I don't even know what the word is that I'm looking for. I'm just not me right now, and I need to find me again and fast. This behavior isn't positive for anyone in my family and I hate my children seeing me like this. I shouldn't have sat around in my PJs all day today, but I did. I just didn't have the desire to get dressed. The only reason I did was because Miss E had her new gymnastics class today (at which she did AWESOME!).<br /><br />My home is turning into a mess, and Sean is frustrated with it. He deserves to be. There's no excuse. I just can't do it.<br /><br />GAH! I hate me right now.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-15997470905806722562009-07-03T11:12:00.003-05:002009-07-03T11:47:29.797-05:00Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-ChangesChanging is a good thing. It is required for personal, physical, mental and spiritual growth. If you are not changing, then you become stagnant and old, moldy and icky. Noting that, I have been going through many changes. Some of these changes scare the bejeebers out of me, others just make me happy.<br /><br />First, I am teaching again next year. After things changed at Bubba's school, he was doing so much better and he and we decided that he would go to 3rd grade at his school. So, I will be teaching another year. This means that I will be switching to 8th grade next year. I'm terrified. These kids are so difficult in 5th grade, WHAT are they going to be like in 8th?? The gangs in the district are frightening and the particular school where I will be is having a principal change this year, so that means either good or bad things for the students and teachers.<br /><br />I would also like to add that I only have 5 weeks of my summer left. I've only had 3 weeks so far. Teachers don't have it made like so many think. The only reason that I have that much time, is one of my trainings was cancelled. That's right, they take our summer for training.<br /><br />I did interview for a position within the school district where I live, however, they opted to go with someone else. So that change is non-existent. At least I got the interview I suppose. I really wanted to work here though.<br /><br />I cut off all my hair. Okay, not ALL but a lot. I went really short. I like it a lot. It's a big change for me, because, as Sean so kindly put it. I "haven't looked like that since high school". That pleases me. I'll post a new pic of me.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzrbbeVQUSHZrzXacLoEMdIpkI1KC3_TJ-DXmDU3k3hvQx-2CwhSEP0_XZmtUULc55zrVhjD9BSWTkQNtuVkiBwtVN6P0mzQOJuie9UIErHuFcB7cJY3kb_bFvaNw4XfAT-KreS_loVYE/s1600-h/109_0053.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzrbbeVQUSHZrzXacLoEMdIpkI1KC3_TJ-DXmDU3k3hvQx-2CwhSEP0_XZmtUULc55zrVhjD9BSWTkQNtuVkiBwtVN6P0mzQOJuie9UIErHuFcB7cJY3kb_bFvaNw4XfAT-KreS_loVYE/s320/109_0053.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5354276105867119490" /></a><br /><br />I am currently in school as well trying to obtain my <a href="http://www.gcu.edu/">Master's degree</a>. It's only week three of a two year program. I am trying to remember WHY I wanted to do this. I love school, I'm very proud to be earning another degree, I just feel so tired right now, that I don't want to do anything with school. I'm in summer darn it. I want to enjoy what I have left. But this program won't let me do that. This first class ends the week that school starts and the next class begins right after that. No break. I guess this is how normal people do work. All the time. I just like having the summer to be.<br /><br />I also had a very drastic change for me. It's not something that I haven't been running around and telling everyone about, or showing for that matter. I had something done for me. A little plastic surgery. The great thing is, now I can buy clothes and have them fit me! Right away! No having to alter, or just give up and put it back. I'm very pleased with the results.<br /><br />So a lot of changes going on in my world. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle them, but I'm trying my best to be postive about them. Particularly my employment. It's difficult to feel good about working at a place where you have heard almost nothing but bad things. It really makes me anxious. Perhaps, I will be an active writer again, as I blabber on about things that no one cares about. You never know. It could be good reading, though I doubt it.<br /><br />One other change...<br />I'm writing a book in my *cough* spare time. It's not a long book, it's just ideas right now, but I told my daughter a story and she loved it so much, she asked me to tell it to her again and again. So I decided I would write it down. At the very least, I can say I've written a book.<br /><br />OK, done rambling....<br />Really.Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3251136685461332310.post-77079510196639748402009-05-25T22:07:00.003-05:002009-07-09T00:08:47.956-05:00End Of DaysAs the school year comes to an end, I`m thankful that I`ve survived another stressful year. My homeroom students are awesome. I think I will actually miss them. <br /><br />Tomorrow is field day. That means it will be hot, but a lot of fun. I like field day. My homeroom has cool shirts and I bought a whole outfit to go with it. Complete with knee-socks that have the stripes at the top. They are so cool! I`ll be sure to get pictures. Then I`ll be sure to actually post some of them. <br /><br />Here's One...<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzHPJ1vKeu4sdBduoANP923ZeG-nGJwo9gTpVJah9YyPCoHFw84EIPLWslzTufy0Y3oAO48BeGQZeRXQvcEXl-FptRTyGHkYmbAx4WPV5saw5foSc576w0F-yc_UPNqc6YFXCSCIIVHA/s1600-h/Field+Day.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 97px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzHPJ1vKeu4sdBduoANP923ZeG-nGJwo9gTpVJah9YyPCoHFw84EIPLWslzTufy0Y3oAO48BeGQZeRXQvcEXl-FptRTyGHkYmbAx4WPV5saw5foSc576w0F-yc_UPNqc6YFXCSCIIVHA/s320/Field+Day.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5356322853688740002" /></a><br /><br /><br />All I know is that there are 7 school days left. I am taking one of those days off for My Son`s award day at school (perfect attendance two years in a row). That means only 6 days for me. Field day is one, a field trip another day, a party for the last day and that leaves only three actual instructional days. Beyond awesome ladies & gentleman. I`m thrilled to finally be at the end. 13 weeks of summer. Don`t think about the trainings that I have to go to. I wish teachers could actually have a full summer off, but sadly it doesn`t work that way.<br /><br />All that really matters is I made it another year. Yay me!<br /><br />Just be happy that I finally posted something new. :)Gretchenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00561001952694615232noreply@blogger.com0