Gretchen Speaks

What Once Was...

2010-08-12T19:49:00.001-05:00

I remember this one time when I was about 9 or 10 years old that I tried to run away from home.

Now, I’m certain that all children get that idea at some point in time or another. Running away from home seems like such a good idea. You are tired of the oppression of your parents and you desire the ability to make your own choices about everything. You are idealistic and naïve and don’t really understand the whole picture that goes along with being on your own.

The funny thing is though, I don’t know anyone that has every really gone through with it. I know there are definitely those who do, but I know none of them. I was one of those that I was fully prepared to run away. I had a plan in place. I had my clothes packed. I had my sleeping bag and my favorite stuffed dog. I had everything set up with the girl; I think her name was Caroline; that lived across the street from me. We were going to run away together.

There was this shack… I guess one could call it. It was clearly abandoned. It had a door and windows. It had a roof and four walls. It was about as shack-like as I had ever known. It was also not too far from where we lived. It was the perfect place as far as we could see. Caroline and I knew that this was going to be our future home. We had decided how we were going to set it up, complete with curtains. That’s right, curtains in a shack. But to us, this was going to be the perfect homestead. I don’t remember what time of year it was, but I think it may have been the summer. Summer in the North Carolina wasn’t too bad. Not like in Texas where, by August you are wishing for snow.

Neither of us had ever been to the shack. We had just seen it by the road each time our parents drove by it. So we didn’t really know what to expect when we got there. Of course, that was our plan. To get there.

I set my alarm clock in my room for about 3am. Late enough to ensure that everyone in the house is asleep and there would be few people out. Did everyone plan out their running away like that? I had all of my things already packed up and ready to go. I was so deliberate in my plan that when I snuck out of the house by the sliding back door, I made sure to place the rod in a way that would lock me out of the house when I closed the door. It was a major moment to me. I was going to run away and I wasn’t going back home. There was no way for me to go back home, so this was it.

I made my way over to Caroline’s house. Her window was closed, so I tapped on it for probably about fifteen minutes or so. Caroline never stirred. I saw her lying in her canopy bed with the yellow sheets and lacey comforter, her right arm thrown up over her head. She lay that way the whole time I was tapping on her window. She never woke up.

At this time I realized I was in some trouble. My shack-partner was clearly not going to follow through with our plan and I had locked myself out of my house. I suddenly became nervous. I was afraid to head over to the shack on my own. It was, after all, the three o’clock hour and there could be any number of scary things out there. When you are with a friend, it doesn’t seem quite so bad, but completely on your own? Nope. Not happening. So I did the only thing I could do. I made my way back to the house.

I went first to my window, but I knew it wouldn’t be open. I had double checked prior to leaving that it was locked. I was serious about leaving. I went back to the sliding door and tested it. I did a good job of making sure I couldn’t get back in. I stared at that rod in the doorway with such frustration. Why couldn’t I have thought this part of the plan out? Why was I so insistent that I was never going to return? What was I going to do?

I did the only thing any normal 9 or 10 year old would do. I pulled out my Strawberry Shortcake sleeping back and proceeded to set up camp outside the back door. It was at this point that I realized a crucial mistake in my overall plan.

I had forgotten my pillow. Thankfully, I had my trusty stuffed dog. She was grey and white. She had a red felt tongue. She was terribly itchy, but she made a really good pillow in the lacking presence of anything else. Beggars can’t be choosers at this point. I lay down trying to figure out my next step. Clearly someone was going to have to let me in. I don’t know who it would be, but a part of me was hoping that one of my little brothers would. I didn’t want to have to explain any of this to my parents. Eventually, I fell asleep on that back porch surrounded by blue hydrangeas.

I woke probably two hours later. I estimate this based on the light that was starting to shine. When I opened my eyes and put my glasses on, I realized that the rod had been removed and was now lying next to the track. What should I think about this? There was no one in the living room. My parents, as I could see through the other sliding glass door, were still in their beds and appeared to be asleep.

As quietly as I could, I slid the door open and tip-toed inside. Our cat Seymour was there to greet me. I found out later he played an integral part in my ability to return home. I carefully closed the door and made my way back to my room. I snuggled under the sheets and blanket with a real pillow underneath my head and fell asleep.

2010-08-04T01:26:00.001-05:00

I can't decide if blogging is still an active concept or if people are tossing it by the wayside. It seems that with the advent of so many social networking sites, that blogging is no longer as necessary to keep up with family and friends as it once was. I don't much care one way or the other. I just find it difficult to procrastinate when the blogs I read do not update at least weekly so as to allow me something else to do when I should be working on some important project.

So. Do you have any blogs that you find to be exceptionally noteworthy? Anything I should add to my list of blogs to read on a weekly basis when I am avoiding work? I would like to expand my list. Feed my poor work habits.

To Be A Writer

2010-07-30T11:24:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had that feeling that you are not accomplishing all you should? that you need to be doing something more?

I feel that way when I read poetry and learn about poets that began writing at such young ages. For example, I learned about the poet Christina Rossetti. She began writing at age five and wrote her entire life.

I like writing. Actually, I really enjoy writing a lot. However, I feel like I never have anything worthy of writing about. I didn't have a childhood that was filled with strife. Rather I think my childhood was quite idyllic. No one wants to read about that. Do they? I would think not.

Heartache and difficulty are not things that I have much experience with and yet any type of writing I tend to read, particularly in poetry. These authors have some kind of personal experiences that involve some type of struggle. I wish I didn't feel so inept.

Procrastination Rears It's Ugly Head...Again

2010-06-30T12:18:00.001-05:00

I'm curious if anyone has any tips for eradicating procrastination from one's life. As many of you are well aware, I am in graduate school (only 4 classes left!!!!). However, I have had no breaks in the classes. As soon as one ends, the next class begins the following day. I'm so exhausted from school that I have begun delaying completing my work until the last possible minute.

Yes, I know this is a poor choice to make. Yes, I am aware that it will only bite me in the behind. Yes, I know that life would be so much easier if I would not follow this particular path, and yet it's a habit I still adhere to.

It's so bad that I have a paper due today and instead, I am posting about not doing my paper. ~~Stupid~~ Not intelligent, I know, so tell me what you do to prevent yourself from procrastinating over something when you really really don't want to do it. Any and all suggestions are welcome!

I Need to Count My Blessings

2010-06-29T13:52:00.002-05:00

1. I have a son who is so inquisitive he is amazing
2. I have a daughter that makes me smile every day... and usually laugh too.
3. I have a husband who makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.
4. I have a home that I love...especially when it is clean!
5. I have the ability to drive anywhere I want at any given point in time.
6. I have food in my house and the ability to purchase food whenever I need to.
7. I am blessed to have a college education
8. I am lucky enough to go to graduate school and earn a new degree.
9. I have some wonderful friends.
10. I have a loving family.
11. I am gainfully employed.
12. My brother is no longer in Iraq.
13. My parents are married...to each other...and they like each other!
14. The ability to spend the summer with my children.
15. Cable and Internet on demand...

Summer Lovin'

2010-06-23T16:33:00.002-05:00

Another year down in the teaching log. For those who are keeping track, because I know you stay glued to your computer just waiting for the next update, I have now completed three years in the teaching world. Year four is swiftly approaching. I am so not ready for it.

The best parts of summer are a few things.

The first is my birthday. I always pretend that I'm annoyed by turning another year older, but the truth is I love birthdays. I'm always a little sad that birthdays aren't really celebrated when one gets older though. I kind of wish I could have a kick butt birthday party where everyone shows up and actually has a good time.

I stress the good time part simply because the last time Sean and I hosted a party at our house, it seemed awkward. Apparently you need to be gifted in the party throwing realm and we, alas, are not. My neighbors are awesome party throwers. I tried to follow their style, but I still lacked the panache. It's actually depressing, and so I don't throw parties. Ever.

You know it's sad when you would like to throw a party and you actually look up HOW to do it well. Perhaps I'll figure it out some day.

But, I digress. The second best part about Summer is vacation time. This year we are doing things a little differently. We are going camping on the beach this summer. Hopefully, that tropical something or another out in the Atlantic will stay away for the time being. We plan to camp, swim, eat, and have fun for three days on the beach. After that Sean and I will drop the children with my parents for four wonderful days of NOTHING!!!! I'm so excited about it. I can't wait to just relax. I rarely have that opportunity. The only drawback is that I am still in graduate school and I will still have to work on that, but other than that, all will be well.

So, what about you? What are your favorite parts of summer? Yes, I am assuming you have favorite parts of summer.

Hmmm

2010-03-07T15:54:00.002-06:00

I've been sitting at my computer thinking about how I need to post something new. I'm pleased that I think I may have figured out what I would like to be when I grow up, but I'm not entirely certain how to go about it. I was at a conference the past few days and I had the opportunity to listen to a keynote speaker in a field that really spoke to me.

I found it evident, by looking at the audience, that I was probably one of the few who were truly interested in the speaker and what he had to say. Dr. Jeffrey M. Zacks is a cognitive scientist. All I can say is, I found his speech to be interesting in ways I hadn't felt about education in quite some time.

I came home from the conference with a great deal of information that I can apply in my classroom, and a desire to learn more about cognitive science. There is a great deal of background in psychology required and I have always love psychology. It was my first major, but then I changed fields after a while, into education. Now I just feel trapped in a field that offers job security, terribly pay, horrible hours, and nothing but frustration.

I have always enjoyed learning, so I can't help but think that perhaps my life has sent me in this direction to place me in line with Dr. Zacks, so that I may figure out that I should be into researching. I am thrilled that I can at least try this out a little bit, because the class I've just started is all about research.

I'm thrilled with this new class and I hope that I really do find my niche. Maybe I can finally feel a sense of purpose in my life, rather than that of the annoyed school teacher. *sigh*

Another Year Bites the Dust

2009-12-29T11:13:00.002-06:00

Here it is, December 29th. Nearly time for the new year to be received. It is always astounding how quickly the year flys by, but still seems to take so long.

As per usual, I find the year's end to be filled with both joy and frustration. I'm thrilled that we all survived another year and have become as close as a family can. I love my husband and children so much that I can't imagine not having them in my life. I'm thrilled that I'm on break from teaching, because if I weren't, I'd probably strangle all of the 8th graders in the school! (kidding, of course).

I'm frustrated, though, because I feel as though I don't have enough time to get things in order like I want. Don't ask me what I mean, I don't even know what I mean. I think it's one of those "I'll know it when I see it" types of things.

Sean and I have slacked something terrible on our workout schedule since JUNE! ACK! So we have decided that we are going to really try hard to get back into a good shape, as round isn't what we are going for. My weight isn't the issue, it's the BMI index that I find upsetting. I'm not fat, but I am squishy. Squishy is not something I want to be, so we are going to work hard and get back to where we were six months ago. I know we will look great in the next six months! Just in time for swimsuits! I would also like to point out that this is NOT a resolution. I don't do those. This is more than that. It's a life altering change for the better, and it's necessary.

So, once again, I intend to keep up better with my blog. I'm certain that anyone who has read me for any period of time will know that I am not a writer, though I fancy myself one. I like to pretend that people are interested enough in me to read through what I write on occasion, so comments every once in a while are nice. If you are a lurker, please feel free to say hello!

Happy New Year!

Writing

2009-09-12T00:24:00.002-05:00

I have begun something in my classroom that I find beneficial to me as well. I have instituted writing time. Every day for the first 10 minutes of class, students are to write in their writing journals. After we set up their journals (numbered pages, created a table of contents, etc.), they spent a week creating lists of topics. This week I had them choose a topic and write about it. A few grumbled, a few ignored me (darned kids), and a surprising number were thrilled.

The best part that I did though, was sit down and write in MY journal. I am finding how surprising it is that I can do it. I will just begin writing and do it for the entire 10 minutes. Then when the next class comes in for their class, I continue to write. I have been writing for about 30 minutes a day. I'm really quite proud of myself. I actually like what I have written too! I think that's what makes it so astounding.

I consider it to be something like the concept of "sleep when the baby sleeps". I write when my students write and it's working really well. They were surprised to see me writing when I first started doing it. I think that as a teacher, we forget to participate in our own teaching and use the quiet time to work at our desks. I like my writing time. I like feeling empowered by my words. I like writing something and realizing that I mean what I say. I told my students, especially those who claim they have nothing to write about, that I felt that way for the longest time. Now, however, I notice just how much I do have to write about.

We each created a list of people in our lives, mine took up three columns on one page in a composition notebook. Then, I started adding bits and pieces to each name that really stuck with me. I would add a little detail here and a note there. Now, I'm aware of how many little stories I have. I commented a while ago that I was planning to write a book. I just didn't know what I was planning to write it on. I now have an idea forming in my head, and I'm going to keep playing with it. Perhaps, I may be a writer after all. Now, if only I could teach it!

On a side note, I'm looking at career alternatives. Teaching is much too stressful with 8th graders, but I still like teaching. I'm thinking maybe something more corporate. Like a corporate trainer or something. Instead of being at those boring trainings, I could be conducting them. How cool is that?! Additionally, class number 1 for grad school is down and now on class #2. I hope it's all over sooner rather than later, but estimated graduation isn't until June 2011. Keep me in your thoughts, please. This juggling act isn't easy.

A Writer Is...

2009-08-04T21:23:00.003-05:00

"Writers are like other people, except for at least one important difference. Other people dave daily thoughts and feelings, notice this sky or that smell, but they don't do much about it."

This quote comes from the book A Writer's Notebook: Unlocking the Writer Within You by Ralph Fletcher.

That statement made me think that perhaps I am not the writer I always dreamed of being. In fact, today my friend K and I were discussing writing a children's book. After all, we read them in our classrooms and they seem so simple, why couldn't we do the same. All one needs is a character, setting, problem, and solution. And illustrations. However, as we talked about it, I realized that there is more to writing a story than simply coming up with a character, setting, problem and solution. There is development of each thing. Then there are details that need to be added. The more I considered it, the more I began to realize how difficult it is to write a story.

Then again, isn't that all it takes to build a story. You need the creativity to develop the idea and the ability to put it into a cohesive, flowing format? I am beginning to think that the most difficult part to the whole thing is the perfectionism attitude that seems to stick in my mind. I do not recall if I read the statement that a writer's work is never perfect to the writer of if I am just making it up, but I think that would be my greatest difficulty in writing.

I do see beauty in ordinary things (well, except for that floating grocery bag...still don't get that whole thing). If not beauty then certainly amazing things that just stick with me. Maybe when I can get past the idea that no matter how hard I try, when I write something down it will never be perfect will help me to understand that I can be a writer. I don't need to have perfection, but I do need to have character, setting, problem and solution. Hmmm. Food for thought. For me anyhow.

2009-07-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling down lately. Really down. Not like myself. It kind of scares me. I have that "I just want to roll over and go back to bed for a while" feeling. I don't get that way often, but when I do, it's hard to break the funk. I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to stop it. The fact that Sean is going to be gone for the next four days isn't helpful either. I think I just want to cry for a little while. Perhaps that is all I really need to do. Cry for just a little bit. Maybe then I'll feel better, but I doubt it.

I just need to break the mood. Any suggestions on what I can do for that? I don't really care what they are, I just need to try something. I'm frustrated that I'm so lame. I don't even know what the word is that I'm looking for. I'm just not me right now, and I need to find me again and fast. This behavior isn't positive for anyone in my family and I hate my children seeing me like this. I shouldn't have sat around in my PJs all day today, but I did. I just didn't have the desire to get dressed. The only reason I did was because Miss E had her new gymnastics class today (at which she did AWESOME!).

My home is turning into a mess, and Sean is frustrated with it. He deserves to be. There's no excuse. I just can't do it.

GAH! I hate me right now.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-07-03T11:12:00.003-05:00

Changing is a good thing. It is required for personal, physical, mental and spiritual growth. If you are not changing, then you become stagnant and old, moldy and icky. Noting that, I have been going through many changes. Some of these changes scare the bejeebers out of me, others just make me happy.

First, I am teaching again next year. After things changed at Bubba's school, he was doing so much better and he and we decided that he would go to 3rd grade at his school. So, I will be teaching another year. This means that I will be switching to 8th grade next year. I'm terrified. These kids are so difficult in 5th grade, WHAT are they going to be like in 8th?? The gangs in the district are frightening and the particular school where I will be is having a principal change this year, so that means either good or bad things for the students and teachers.

I would also like to add that I only have 5 weeks of my summer left. I've only had 3 weeks so far. Teachers don't have it made like so many think. The only reason that I have that much time, is one of my trainings was cancelled. That's right, they take our summer for training.

I did interview for a position within the school district where I live, however, they opted to go with someone else. So that change is non-existent. At least I got the interview I suppose. I really wanted to work here though.

I cut off all my hair. Okay, not ALL but a lot. I went really short. I like it a lot. It's a big change for me, because, as Sean so kindly put it. I "haven't looked like that since high school". That pleases me. I'll post a new pic of me.

I am currently in school as well trying to obtain my Master's degree. It's only week three of a two year program. I am trying to remember WHY I wanted to do this. I love school, I'm very proud to be earning another degree, I just feel so tired right now, that I don't want to do anything with school. I'm in summer darn it. I want to enjoy what I have left. But this program won't let me do that. This first class ends the week that school starts and the next class begins right after that. No break. I guess this is how normal people do work. All the time. I just like having the summer to be.

I also had a very drastic change for me. It's not something that I haven't been running around and telling everyone about, or showing for that matter. I had something done for me. A little plastic surgery. The great thing is, now I can buy clothes and have them fit me! Right away! No having to alter, or just give up and put it back. I'm very pleased with the results.

So a lot of changes going on in my world. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle them, but I'm trying my best to be postive about them. Particularly my employment. It's difficult to feel good about working at a place where you have heard almost nothing but bad things. It really makes me anxious. Perhaps, I will be an active writer again, as I blabber on about things that no one cares about. You never know. It could be good reading, though I doubt it.

One other change...
I'm writing a book in my *cough* spare time. It's not a long book, it's just ideas right now, but I told my daughter a story and she loved it so much, she asked me to tell it to her again and again. So I decided I would write it down. At the very least, I can say I've written a book.

OK, done rambling....
Really.

End Of Days

2009-05-25T22:07:00.003-05:00

As the school year comes to an end, I`m thankful that I`ve survived another stressful year. My homeroom students are awesome. I think I will actually miss them.

Tomorrow is field day. That means it will be hot, but a lot of fun. I like field day. My homeroom has cool shirts and I bought a whole outfit to go with it. Complete with knee-socks that have the stripes at the top. They are so cool! I`ll be sure to get pictures. Then I`ll be sure to actually post some of them.

Here's One...

All I know is that there are 7 school days left. I am taking one of those days off for My Son`s award day at school (perfect attendance two years in a row). That means only 6 days for me. Field day is one, a field trip another day, a party for the last day and that leaves only three actual instructional days. Beyond awesome ladies & gentleman. I`m thrilled to finally be at the end. 13 weeks of summer. Don`t think about the trainings that I have to go to. I wish teachers could actually have a full summer off, but sadly it doesn`t work that way.

All that really matters is I made it another year. Yay me!

Just be happy that I finally posted something new. :)

Holy Mackerel

2009-03-06T23:31:00.004-06:00

The saying is "Time Flies When You're Having Fun" and yet the time has flown, but there was no fun to be had. I would like to say that I think it's unfair that just because time flies by I must be having fun. In reality, I have been completely miserable.

I had a student that I was working with and he was doing so great. He went to jail not to long ago for doing pot in the school bathroom. He's 12. I cannot even begin to tell you how crushed I was when I found out about all of it. I had dreams about this kid. He was finally making such great progress in school. I had him working with some University students, he was meeting with his mentor/teacher twice a week, he seemed to be doing really well. I just don't understand what happened. Well, aside from peer pressure I suppose. I sometimes wish I could save them from themselves.

I had a student last year and he was my drive-me-insane, difficult kid. I actually cried when he was withdrawn from school and hated his mom when she re-enrolled him three days later because she broke up with her boyfriend and moved back into the area. Why do some parents do the things they do to their kiddos? This particular young man is so smart, but he is bullied by his older brothers and doesn't believe he is worth anything. He still comes to see me though, so that makes me feel better.

There are times when I could look into a crystal ball and see where these kids end up. I already have my suspicions for some of them but I hate not knowing; I'm certain that I will likely never know about most of them.

I guess I wish that kids had a better chance than their parents let them have. So many children are wonderfully bright and capable, but their parents encourage them down bad paths or don't bother teaching what the good paths are. I kind of think of that Willie Nelson song "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys." That song indicates that the Mama's are involved with their children. Something that is not seen so much today, at least from my point of view.

I Opted Out

2009-01-22T08:27:00.005-06:00

I decided that I desperately needed to take a day from work. Aside from all the typical holidays, I have only taken 1.5 days off this year. One was a personal day because I had a meeting at school regarding My Son. I opted to take the whole day off. Wouldn’t you know it though, I drop him off. I go get some coffee and on my return trip to school for the meeting, I get a phone call from the school saying that he had thrown up in class and needed to go home. Sheesh. I try to take a day off, and I can’t. Bummer!

The half day was when I was sick. It was the day before Thanksgiving break and I was trying my best to tough it out. I just couldn’t function anymore and the kids were NUTS! The school nurse said GO HOME and my administrator couldn’t argue with that, so I left. I was miserable for days afterward.

It’s not like I was able to enjoy any of the time I had taken off.

I feel that I deserve a day off. So I set up my room like normal yesterday. Had everything ready like I would normally. Told my friend next door that I wouldn’t be in today and told her that I was blaming everything on Miss E. She said, HAHA! Hope she gets better! It’s good to have friends at work that you can trust.

So I woke up at my usual time this morning, put in for a substitute (poor woman) and sent an email to my administrator and my friend saying that Miss E woke up with a fever and I was staying home with her today. I included the “hastily thrown together sub plans” and the ruse is complete. I sent My Son off to school, Miss E is still asleep, and I’m sitting around enjoying a quiet morning before Sean gets home. Yeah, that was part of my evil plan too. To spend some time with my husband. I know you wish you were as conniving as me.

Frankie Say Relax

2009-01-17T21:12:00.000-06:00

I have this CD that I love to listen to. It was given to me by my cooperating teacher when I was student teaching a few years ago. After my first week, I was presented with a basket that included foot scrub and cream (teachers are on their feet all day, don’t let TV fool you), one of the gel blue masks for the eyes and the fabulous CD.

When I was teaching ballet, I used to just put my ipod on this CD and dance before my students arrived. I would actually draw a crowd, if you could call three people a crowd. I suppose it would be on an elevator, but not so much in a dance studio. Even now, I have completely choreographed and entire song and many of the others have dances, but nothing finished. It is by far the most relaxing music I have ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of music in my few years.

The problem is, I have tried to find other similar music CDs to listen to, but thus far, I have been unsuccessful. I have discovered that my only issue with this CD is that I know it too well. If I have difficulty going to sleep, which is often, I play it. However, I have become too familiar with this album and I tend to choreograph in my mind, rather than relax and sleep. You would think that being familiar with the songs would encourage sleep rather than detract from it, but alas, not for me.

I’m hopeful that some of you could direct me to some music that you know to be relaxing for you. As I stated before, I do have an iPod and as such, I have iTunes, so feel free to suggest something from there. I look forward to any suggestions you may have. I love my CD, but I would really like something new as well.

A Day in the Life...

2009-01-16T19:50:00.001-06:00

I spent my entire day today at school doing mindless paper work. This is why I don’t want be a teacher anymore. The sheer amount of paperwork that we are required to do at any given moment is ridiculous. I have spent the last two weeks doing paperwork and that leaves me VERY little time for actual lesson planning.

People wonder WHY schools are becoming worse? It’s because teacher’s are so bogged down with work that their administrators require that they are unable to focus on developing creative and inspiring lesson plans. Students don’t like having to do worksheet after worksheet, and you know what, neither do we! It’s boring! Sadly, we do it because we have very little time to spend on coming up with lessons that would otherwise be interesting for both students and teacher.

I find it frustrating when people complain about why teachers are so terrible at their jobs, when they haven’t the first clue as to what is required in the job. I wake up each day between 5 and 5:30am and I’m lucky to be home by 6pm. I have preparations to make, planning to attempt to do, grading to finish (which I desperately need to do this weekend), intervention plans to work on, and small group lessons to develop. This will take days to complete, and that’s only part of everything. I can’t even put it all into words! There’s too much.

I hate that I come home from school more exhausted than my students. I hate that they have virtually no repercussions for their behaviors, which is why I don’t get to teach as much as I’d like. It’s insane when a fellow coworker is threatened by a student with a pair of scissors and he gets NOTHING done to him. Why? Good question. He has no emotional issues that are medically documented, yet he is treated as though he does, therefore, he’s let off the hook far too much. I wish he were the exception and not the rule, however, that isn’t the case any longer.

If you want to know why it’s difficult to keep teachers anymore? Just ask one, “How’s your work environment?” and you’ll have your answer really quickly.

What Am I Thinking??

2009-01-15T20:31:00.002-06:00

I have been doing more and more research and aside from the nagging fear that I’m going to screw up my kids, I have to say that I feel pretty confident about our choice to home school the children. First off, I have discovered that I am among the privileged few that will be able to have a dedicated space for home schooling. I have an office downstairs that is currently serving it’s life as a playroom. That is of course, when the children can actually play in there. The sheer number of toys that two children accumulate is nauseating.

I informed one of my coworkers that if I could just pick the room up, dump it out, and start over I would. That would be much easier than wading through all the “I still want that” toys and the “I’ve been looking for that” toys when you know that is clearly NOT the case. Why is it that children want what they didn’t even know they already had?

I’ve been fairly anxious about the whole concept of giving up my financially secure job though. I realize that once I’m no longer working, I am going to have no extra money coming in. I’m considering asking my dad for some part-time work as a proofreader. I happen to be pretty good at doing that. It’s an unusual talent. Why yes, I can make sure that everything is correct in your paper. I’m the spelling superhero you never knew you needed. Sort of like a preschooler and her toys.

Seriously though, I fear that we will be required to give up a lot of things that we really enjoy, but at the same time, I’m fairly certain that things won’t be that bad. Simply because we are preparing ourselves for it as much as possible; we are paying off all credit, building up our savings, and I’ll do some part-time work if necessary. That’s the true benefit to Sean being a paramedic; his schedule. I could always get a job and work a few hours if it is really needed. I guess there’s only one way to be certain, and that’s to try it out.

A New Plan

2009-01-10T19:03:00.002-06:00

After much discussion, Sean and I have come to the conclusion that I am clearly not happy doing what I do. Teaching at a school is just destroying me. The constant stress of having mountains of paperwork that never go away. The frustration of students that refuse to do their work and certainly don't care what you say isn't helpful at all either.

Then there is my son who is having difficulty in school. He is remarkably smart. More than the second grade level at which he is currently enrolled in his school. He attends school in a district separate from where I am teaching. I was hopeful that this district would be able to cater to his more hands-on needs that he certainly has. He really need to ‘mess with’ something to really understand it. While he is a sponge and will retain anything that he is told, his comprehension level is directly proportional to his hands-on activity. Unfortunately, his school doesn’t do very much of that. A realization that was disappointing to say the least.

So after the last few years of tears, both his and mine, and frustration, we have come to the conclusion that something had to give. I refuse to have a child in the school system that despises everything about it. I do not want to nurture the “I hate school” mentality that he has already developed. In fact I hope to change it completely into a more “I love learning” mentality. I am going to begin this process this fall when we start home schooling.

I know virtually nothing about home schooling. Actually I’m very nervous about it. I can teach a classroom of 5th graders all day long (it’s what I do now), but to teach my child. YIKES! Not only that, but I’m likely going to begin my daughter in kindergarten. She’s a year away from “school-age”, but I figure she’s ready. She’s wants to read so badly and can already do basic adding and subtracting. I might as well help her as well, right?

So, hang on for the strangest ride as I, the professional teacher, chuck the traditional teaching world for one in my own home. Who knows, maybe I really can change the world one child at a time. I guess I didn’t realize just which children it would be.

It's all in my head...

2009-01-04T22:14:00.001-06:00

I don't want to and you can't make me. Unfortunately, THEY can. Contract and some fluff like that.

In my two years of teaching, I have come to discover that I really don't like it. Parents never teach their children to respect others anymore. Okay, maybe I shouldn't say never, but certainly rarely seems appropriate. So many parents are too concerned with being their kid's friend that they aren't being their parents and teaching what I consider to be the fundamentals of childhood. Respect is the primary one. 5th graders should never call their teachers bitches or assholes. Regardless of how true it is. 5th graders should never call their classmates by similar names regardless of the attributes which they are identifying. 5th graders shouldn't know more about sex than their 30-ish year old teacher. IT'S JUST WRONG! Some of the other teachers and I will talk with each other and play the "who's gonna get pregnant next year" game. Trust me, it happens. Sick as that is to think about.

So, I have to roll out of bed in the morning and go to work. I have to go be the happy smiling teacher, though underneath it all I am cringing, staring at the clock, and hoping that 4:30 comes fast. I can't wait to be done with this school year.

The End of the Year

2008-12-30T18:02:00.000-06:00

I had this long post written up, but then my darling daughter just accidentally hit the button on the mouse and killed the entire thing. Crap. Well, Thankgiving was good. I was sick with a stomach bug and still did a good job getting dinner on the table.

Christmas arrived with a new computer from my parents and Wii Fit from my husband. It's really awesome. I highly recommend it.

Now we are to the New Year. I wish you all the best in the upcoming 2009. I can't believe another year has come and gone. It's amazing how fast time goes by. My son is turning 8 in January and Miss E will be 4 in March! Geez. They grow up so fast.

Anyway, this is a highly truncated post due to Miss E's mistake. Sorry for that. I know how engrossed you all are in my life. HAHA!

Much love to you all!

Not Alotta

2008-11-15T22:07:00.000-06:00

Things are moving along here. I suppose you could say we are in a bit of a rut. Nothing ever seems to change, and I'm becoming more and more frustrated with everything. Probably because of the whole rut feeling, I bet.

I'm just tired. I think it could be worse though. I'm not sure how, but I like to think that it could.

So, My son is back into therapy now that school has begun full swing. Things are not going well for him. He is angry and hates school. He hates his teacher. He hates waking up and he is increasingly becoming difficult. So, we put him back into therapy. Thankfully, we are on the track of a diagnosis. Hopefully, we will all learn to deal with it.

Miss E is going great. She is amazingly resilient. No matter what happens, she takes it with a grain of salt and continues on in her bubbly way. I wish I were more like that.

That is my current update. Stay tuned for my upcoming post, I'm hosting Thanksgiving Dinner....CRAP!

Seriously, what was I thinking?? Sheesh!

Just a few pictures...

2008-11-15T22:05:00.001-06:00

How Time Flies...

2008-08-08T22:59:00.000-05:00

Has it really been that long since I last posted. May 24th. Wow. I really do suck. It wasn't even something special either. It was just a quote I happened upon and loved. Jeez.

In other news...

My darling husband, Sean, and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary. Ten years married to the same guy and I still find him totally irresistable. Well, most days anyway. He gave me a gorgeous new diamond for my wedding band set. It's much larger than the chip (literally) I had before. I'll get a picture of it up as soon as my other computer warms up. That's where all my pictures are. This having two computers thing can be rather irritating. Anyway, I have a wonderful treat for him (I haven't been able to give it to him yet, waiting for, well, me. I just have to go get it.) I would put what it is, but then he might stumble on here (though I doubt he ever looks anymore) and find out then the surprise...and what a surprise it is...would be lost.

I return to work in a few days. Six to be exact. I really don't want to go back. I love being at home with my kids. It makes everything so worthwhile. My Little Man has been having behavioral issues ever since he started school and with my working last year, they just became worse. He has been mostly great all summer and now it's about to be screwed up. I just hate it. We had him in therapy last school year, and we will be starting that again very soon. I'm worried about him.

Miss E is a precious gem, as always. Definitely a girl. She loves dress up and everything that goes with it. She 'can turn the world on with her smile.' I know it sounds stupid, but I swear it's true. She just gives off this joy that you can't help but want to hug and snuggle. I really don't want to go back to work because she loves having me home just like her brother. It breaks my heart.

So, I return to teaching for my second year. It will be better this year. I'm certain of it. I have a better support system in place (better sense of humor anyway) and I feel more prepared. I don't feel as though I will be completely lost, like did a lot last year. I just wish it were June already. Teachers have crappy hours and crappy pay and deal with crappy attitude from both kids and parents. We deserve so much better. Hey parents, do me a favor (or at least your kids' teachers) teach them respect for adults. That's your job, not mine. I teach English, not respect. I expect that to be already in place by the 5th grade. sheesh.

A Quote Worth Mentioning....

2008-05-24T21:13:00.000-05:00

Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression.
- Amos Bronson Alcott

Funny How Things Play Out

2008-04-26T20:35:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, I was a dancer. I love the Ballet. Anything and everything to do with Ballet. It is my ultimate passion. So, not too long ago, I enrolled my daughter at a local dance studio. She loves dancing and any type of activity (like gymnastics) so I though it would be a good time.

I was talking with the studio owner and teacher, and telling her about how I used to dance and to pay for my habit (I was dancing six days a week) I began teaching classes. Now, I teach at my daughter's studio. I teach both ballet and jazz and will likely to pre-pointe and pointe classes as well.

The studio is S.M.A.L.L. for now, but I'm sure based on it's location that it won't take long for it to boom. I'm super excited about it. I began last week and teach only two days a week for now. That is all my schedule allows me. I intend to do a lot more in the future. Who knows where this could all end up.

The super fun thing is that I have been asked by the owner to put together a piece for the upcoming recital next month. EEEEK! I have got so much work to do, but I have no doubt that I will be able to accomplish this task. Nervous is what I am, but fabulous is what I will be!

Hiatus

2008-04-13T12:54:00.000-05:00

I removed my blog for a while thinking that it would make life easier not having to have one. Considering that I hadn't actually written anything in it in quite some time anyway, I felt that this was a reasonable thing.

However, then my brain began reeling. As it has a terrible habit of doing and the next thing I know, I find myself wondering what on Earth I was thinking. I deleted all that stuff that I had written. Whether I loved or hated it, whether it was worth it or not, I deleted it. That was just the stupidest thing I could have done.

So now, I have decided that even if I don't keep up with this like I really should, at least I have the page still. I think I will actually schedule time to write. Perhaps that will help me along the way.

I have always wanted to be the eloquent writer that so many others are, but I realize that I am not. I realize that I am merely the wacko that continues droning on subjecting others to her mindless drivel. However, that is what I choose to do. Therefore, I am doing it.

Hello Blogosphere (or whatever it may have been changed into in my absence), I'm back.